Dragons From The Past

When children come from hard places (history of neglect, abuse, lack of nourishment) it is said they can carry these fears for years to come and at any given time, the "dragons" can rear their ugly heads and show themselves in many forms. 

Sterling is currently going through a difficult period with "dragons" from his past.  He has a difficult time at night and dragons are shown in his fears, inability to sleep and bad dreams.  This seems to be lasting a bit longer than past episodes.  He is now sleeping next to our bed at night and we found a new natural sleep aid that does seem to be helping him fall asleep.  He was taking melatonin but the amounts become to large for my comfort level and a side affect of Melatonin can be bad dreams.  A bad combination for a child who is already suffering from nightmares, so we were able to reach out to the adoption community and learn about a new herbal/natural sleep aid to replace the Melatonin. 

When Sterling first arrived home 3 1/2 years ago, bedtime was the worst time of day.  He started out crying 4 hours, every single night for weeks, almost months and gradually, it would decrease by 30  minute increments after several weeks.  It was months before the bedtime crying spells stopped. He experienced panic attacks every single night at bedtime and it was heartbreaking not being able to comfort him and allow him to feel safe.  Personally, the most difficult part of adoption is not having the background knowledge of their experiences to better equip ourselves for comforting children with great fears and the inability to calm our children in those early months of them joining the family.  It's tough as a parent to watch your child suffer, night after night after night. 

While Sterling was 4 years old when he joined our family, he was on the level of a 6 month old baby.  There was no language or speech what so ever, so talking was not an option to help with comforting him. We did have other methods to meet him at the 6 moth level that he was functioning at, such as he slept in a baby bed, we held him as much as possible, played soft music, always spoke to him in a tender, soft voice, etc.  While these didn't stop the challenges and fears he experienced, I do feel that over time it did help him to begin building a trust toward us.

We haven't quite figured out the triggers that will cause his "dragons" to rear their ugly heads at night.  They have no consistency or any pattern, they are random and fortunately, don't happen very often.  We've been praying the following bible verse with Sterling at night, "I go to bed and sleep in peace.  Lord, only you keep me safe.  -Psalm 4:8 and the kids are working to memorize the verse, "When I am afraid, I will trust you. -Psalm 56:3. 

If I was to offer BTDT (been there done that) suggestions to  other first time adoptive parents, it would be the importance of meeting your child, just where they are--what do I mean by this? 

When your child joins your family, don't have preconceived thoughts on how they should act and definitely don't allow their chronological age to trick you--these children are all different and each child's needs are different---to meet them "where they are" is to determine what emotional/developmental/social age your child is at, and meet them at this age/developmental level.

I strongly recommend the book, "The Connected Child" by Karin Purvis to all adoptive parents.  It has proven to be very insightful and helpful with our adoptions.



 

The Birthday Season Begins

July is a time for birthdays and kicks off a solid 6 months of birthday celebrations in our family along with 2 special friends who both have birthdays in July, all within a few days of each other. 

July-daddy
August-Justin
September-mom
October-Arabella
November-Elijah
December-Sterling

Sterling has the hardest time accepting a December birthday and it doesn't help matters that his birthday is 2 days after Christmas, which makes party planning a bit difficult.  The three years that Sterling has been home, his friend-party has been at different times of the year, from a 1/2 birthday celebration in June to a Spring Break birthday party.  It varies from year to year as we try to find the best time to celebrate with friends. 

This past year was Arabella's first birthday home.  We had a skating party and she loved it!!!  She thinks birthday parties are the coolest things around and with each party invite from friends & neighbors, she is filled with excitement.  It's great watching her have experiences that other typical children experience and to see the excitement in her! 

I was blessed to spend time with 2 very special friends on their birthdays!  One friend had a surprise party that her sister organized and the other, I'm blessed each year to have dinner with her family.  This family is very special and who I consider as family.  We've known each other since grade school and lived down the street from one another.

 I'm blessed beyond measure through the friendship that I share with each of these special ladies!

                                                    

 

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Today is Earl's birthday! Arabella and Sterling have been counting the days since July 1st.  Sterling was beside himself with excitement because when it comes to a celebration, he is all over it and especially a birthday celebration!!  Sterling sincerely loves his family and when one of us is celebrating, he's right there with us, heart and soul!  Arabella and Sterling were with me today, decorating and shopping for dad's big day.  Arabella was helping to orchestrate the colors and picking out the right balloons to use.  She's quite the helper!  Once dad arrived home, they greeted him with a big happy birthday and Sterling was all over him to open the presents.   We did things a bit backwards than probably most families, dad opened gifts, we sang happy birthday, blew out candles, ate cake and then, all headed out for dinner at Pei Wei's Restaurant.  Happy Birthday, Honey...I admire all that you are and all that you've done for your family!  You are the greatest!!

 

Sterling is quite the camera hog, this was suppose to be a picture of Daddy as the focal point but look who jumped in front at the last possible moment.

Summer Swim Time

One of the favorite activities that Sterling and Arabella enjoy during the summer months is swimming!  We've been busy this summer and not a lot of time for swimming but we've managed to have a few days of swim time and hoping before school starts to get in a lot more!

This summer is the first time that both Arabella and Sterling have learned (and found the confidence) to plug their nose and go under water and they are loving it!  Their new fun in the pool is taking turns to see how long they can stay under water.  Here are pictures showing some of the first times they went under water.

GET READY....GET SET....HOLD YOUR NOSE!

 

 

UNDER THEY GO!

 

BACK UP FOR AIR!



Summer Update

Well, as the middle of summer approaches, we are busier than ever and enjoying our time together!  The best decision ever made, after adopting our children was the choice to up and quit my corporate desk job and become a school teacher!  I love being around children, I love teaching and love being home with my own children during school breaks!  It's a win-win situation!!

We visit the library at least once a week and check out between 20-25 books that are read during breakfast, lunch, dinner and in-between.  We have dedicated "book time" each day and both Arabella and Sterling must have quiet time looking at and reading library books.  We also participate in most of the activities and events happening at our local library.  It's important that all of our children have strong literacy skills and have a love (or at least a strong respect) for reading!  Daddy is an avid reader and prefers to loose himself in a book over most any other activity and mom, well, I realize the utmost importance of having strong reading skills and a liking for books.  So, we do all that we can to keep our children interested in reading.

Today, we went to the library for an event,  "Reading Dog Day."  Both Sterling and Arabella picked out a book in the library and read it to a dog.  As simple as this sound, both of them enjoyed this more than anything! Arabella had been counting down the days until she had the opportunity to read to the dog and she loved it!  And for Sterling, well now that he is reading, he enjoyed sitting with the dog and reading the book, too. 

Here are the pictures:

We are also attending Vacation Bible School this week, along with Reading Class and Speech Therapy twice a week.  This is the 5th VBS this summer for our kids and they look forward to next week's VBS too!  After this week, we have 2 more VBS scheduled and then, it will be time for school to start.  The summer is passing quickly but what a great summer it is!!!

Next summer, we hope to have Elijah home with us and all of us, including Eli, will be enjoying library time and swim time, together!

Sterling's Speech Evaluation at Texas Children's Hospital

Sterling had a speech evaluation this week at Texas Children's Hospital.  Sterling's private speech therapists have both noticed nasal emissions with some of his sounds.  Nasal emission is when air escapes through the nasal cavity when speaking particular sounds. Speech Therapists have a keen ear because I can't determine which sounds have the emission and which don't.  Hearing nasal emission  was the signal for a visit to Dr. Wilson, the speech doctor on the Cleft Palet Team.

Dr. Wilson has been following Sterling since he came home in December of 2009 and our first many visits with her, Sterling could only say, "ka" and "guh"...period...the end.  Fast forward to this visit and Dr. Wilson was blown away at the progress Sterling has made!  Last year in the March time frame, Sterling only had about 3 words that were intelligible speech and those being, "apple," "mama," "dada."  During this week's visit, Sterling spoke to Dr. Wilson in sentences and while not all words were intelligible speech, she understood a great deal of what he said.  She told me she was blown away in amazement at the progress he has made over the year!  Praise God for continued answered prayers!! 

Dr. Wilson had Sterling repeat sounds, name pictures in a book and then, she strapped an apparatus to his face.  This apparatus was to measure the air escaping from both the nose and the mouth during speech.  Sterling was very apprehensive at first but soon, he was enjoying the test and thought it was, "cool."  He kept telling us, "this is cool." 

The preliminary results do confirm that Sterling shows to have some nasal emission and shows the most emission when stringing words together.  She said our next step is to see the plastic surgeon on the Cleft Palet Team to determine the next plan of action.  She prepared us for the possible next step which is to scope him through the nose.  It is recommended that a tiny scope go in through the nasal cavity (nose entry) and travel behind the sinus cavity to take pictures of his soft palet during speech and to see what type of closure is taking place.  It is felt the soft palet is not closing off completely thus causing air to escape through the nose when he speaks.  After the scope, chances are we may be looking at surgery to correct the closure and provide Sterling with the best possible mechanics  within his mouth for clearly spoken words.  She noticed the lack of closure last year with a palet study but since his speech was still so far off, she wanted to wait and monitor his speech before jumping to a more complicated and more uncomfortable procedure.   

She also said that with Sterling's mouth (it's a mess inside as with most cleft kids) the surgeon may want to move forward with the bone grafting and making adjustments to his mouth and jaw line and close off the fistula (an open hole in his gum line) before doing the soft palet surgery.  Also on the team is an Orthodonist who will also be present during our visit to determine when we need to begin orthodontics on Sterling.  He's now at the age when the next round of surgeries are in our very near future.  Our next visit is July 22 with the plastic surgeon, speech and orthodontics who will exam Sterling and consult together as a team to the next best step for Sterling.  Please be in prayer for us!

We've been very blessed because up to now, Sterling has only had a couple of minor surgeries which consisted of tubes in the ears twice and the skin clipped below his tongue.  His first major surgeries were conducted in China before the adoption.  Our goal is to give Sterling the best mechanics (mouth structure) to allow him the best chance for clear speech and with as little effort as possible.  He works extremely hard with his speech articulation, something that most of us take for granite.  I never gave speech a second thought, it was never a struggle for myself or my oldest son.  Watching Sterling work so hard at something that comes so easy for most has given me a new perspective and respect for the joy of speech. 

Here is a picture of Sterling and the "cool test" as he put it:

Paper Chasing for Eli--The Race is On!

Today was a busy but productive afternoon.  The kids and I gathered 2 more documents toward Eli's adoption, which is a continued forward step.  Up until now, I had only gathered 1 single document but since receiving the green light for Eli's adoption (the Pre-Approval or PA) it has really sparked me to get up, get going and get moving!  My goal is to gather all the necessary documents before returning to work in August, including our physicals. 

Today's documents consisted of the local police background check on the both of us and our marriage certificate.  Next on the list is a letter from our pediatrician that states our children are healthy and free of any communicable diseases and there after, another trip downtown for divorce paperwork. 

It's been a great bonding experience to have both Sterling and Arabella a part of the paper chase for Eli because all the excitement surrounding Eli's adoption is the same exact excitement and paper chase that we did for each of them.  It's been a great opportunity to discuss their adoption and share with them, the excitement and preparation we did leading up to their adoption.   We have Eli's picture proudly displayed on our fridge, as we did with each of our adoptions and we pray for Eli, just as we did for both Sterling and Arabella.  I feel having them a part of Eli's adoption is a great way for us to become closer as a family and allow opportunities for discussions and the sharing of feelings and emotions. 

Sterling continues to ask if "today" is the day that little brother is coming home.  Poor little guy, we are trying so hard to convince him it's still a long time away, a year to be exact but Sterling just can't grasp the idea of waiting an entire year.  <smile>  While walking the halls of the Houston Police Identity Verification basement today, Sterling continued to ask if we were taking his brother home.  

Chinese Noodle Soup

We enjoyed Chinese Noodle Soup as a family this past weekend and returned twice this week for more!  Needless to say, we all enjoyed the noodle soup.  Arabella was especially excited because it very much reminded her of the food back in China.  Okay, it was really a Vietnamese restaurant but regardless, it was the same flavors and soup that Arabella was very accustomed to eating in China and a family favorite!

Arabella's First Hair Cut

Arabella had her first hair cut last Saturday and she thoroughly enjoyed the pampering! :-) 

Her hair was very short when she came home last year and we've allowed it to grow for 18 months but it was time for a trim.  She was all smiles, as you can see in the pictures below.  She has the most beautiful smile...her entire face lights up....she can brighten any room with that smile!

Elijah at 19 Months-The Face of an Angel

                 Here's a picture of our sweet baby boy---at 19 months old--the face of an angel!!

                                                 Praise God for our newest little miracle!!

Happy 4th of July!

Okay, a little late with our 4th of July posting but with all the good things buzzing around our home and the special time with Earl's family during the week of July 4th, this is my first opportunity to upload pictures and captions.

This was Arabella's 2nd Fourth of July celebration and Sterling's 3rd and hoping Elijah will be home next year for his first celebration of the 4th!  We've made it a tradition to spend time as a family placing flags around the yard, spending the day swimming, daddy grilling and ending the evening with fireworks! This year we had a very special blessing-- extended family spending the week with us and what a great time it was having them join us this year!!!

 

 

 

 

We Have China's Pre-Approval for Elijah!!!

This afternoon, Monday, July 8, 2013 at 3:26 pm, we received the email from our agency stating that China has given us the pre-approval for the adoption of Zhong Wei Nan born on November 25, 2011! We have until January 8, 2014 to submit our dossier for his adoption. 

Now, without further delay....allow us to introduce to you the newest member of our family!!
He is 13 months old in the following pictures, so the pictures are about 6 months old now.

We have updated pictures however, I'm still figuring out how to copy a picture from a pdf file. 

Praising God for our newest little miracle!

Sterling Reads His First Library Book!!!

We are celebrating, rejoicing and praising God for the blessing he allowed in our family!  Sterling read his first library book on Wednesday, July 3, 2013.  This is a definitely a day to be remembered! 

Sterling has been reading simple pre-primer readers on Raz-Kids and paper readers from Reading A-Z but on this particular day, Sterling read a book checked out from our local library!  We are very proud of him.  Earl and I both had tears in our eyes, as we listened with amazement while he sounded words out and recognized sight words.  Sterling has come such a long way, especially when you realize he has only known the alphabet for 18 months and the phonics of each letter for 12 months.  He didn't have the advantage of peers who have lived and learned for all 7 years of their lives. 

To think that a few months ago, a teacher at Sterling's school, someone who is said to be the "reading specialist" sat with us during an ARD meeting to say, "Sterling is a non-reader."  When this comment was made about Sterling, he could recognize almost 30 sight words and was reading pre-primer readers but because he couldn't read the 1 book placed before him and answer questions about the book, the "reading specialist" made the conclusion that he was a non-reader.  I will say to her credit, perhaps she was only allow to use this one particular book to test him and his school has little to no experience with hearing impaired students and those who have limited verbal abilities within a general education classroom.  Fortunately, we aren't a family that gives-in to comments like this about our children, it only gives more fire to continue working diligently. 

We are impressed with the work God is doing with Sterling.  He continues to learn and make forward advancement by leaps and bounds.  Praise God for the work he is doing within Sterling!!!